Writing About Me
I love to write… but I have a hard time expressing my jumbled up thoughts into coherent sentences.
I have a hard enough time just speaking to people. I never know what to say. I never know if I come off genuine or fake. I work hard to make myself heard clearly instead of constantly having to reexplain my thoughts. I mull words over in my mouth like a wine snob. The words will float and swirl and sometimes I’ll gargle. But most of the time, the words get swallowed and only the hint of after taste of thought remains that I have trouble sharing.
You could say I have a hard time letting go of control. I want things to come out right the first time. And I have trouble writing and coming up with topics about the thing most people find easiest to talk about, yourself.
I found when I was trying to not write about men, that was the only thing I could write about. While my writing wasn’t anywhere near perfect, I found when I went to read old entries every now and then I’d find phrases I wrote that as a writer, would make me proudly smile. But I find the hardest thing for me to do it seems, is to write about me. Since writing about being fat, almost every entry has been a long hard struggle to finish. I write a few sentences, maybe a paragraph before saving the draft for another few days.
The hardest challenge I am having is coming up with topics to write about being fat. Yes, I’ll write about men too and how it affected me with my weight. But pinpointing specific topics, stories is becoming increasingly difficult for me. I don’t know what to do or where to turn for inspiration. Plus men aren’t the only concern I would like to write about. I’m utterly clueless. Help.