Despite the impression this blog may imply, I am actually a pretty private person with most people in my life. It’s not for lack of wanting to be private, I am actually a very open person who will share any parts about my life if you ask, it’s just very rarely people bother to ask. Very few people choose to talk to everyone simply because they are genuinely friendly. I’m one of those types of people. I might not always not know the right thing to say or have some witty joke pulled out behind my back pocket but I do genuinely like talking to people.
So I’m having a hard time understanding what it is exactly is so strange to hear that I am friends with certain people? My best friend all through middle school and high school, someone I’ve known since Kindergarten, is an one-eighty from me. From our skin color, our taste in music, to our mannerisms all scream we should not be in the same social circle. But she’s someone I consider my sister and want standing as my maid of honor when I someday get married. To me, I don’t care where you came from, what you did or who you are to like you. I don’t care what music you listen to, how you wear your hair, or even if you do drugs. What I care is how you view reality. I care about how you treat others.
I’m moving into an apartment with a couple of coworkers in a few weeks. And I’m having a hard time to not be upset against several co-workers who have not only come up to me, but also the other two soon to be roommates, all with the same surprised expression, “You’re friends with Sarah?!” I know no true malice was meant by the question and if it had just been one or two people, I wouldn’t have been offended. But what about me screams that I’m not a friendly person? Apart of me did wonder, as if they expected some sort of gross retort “Oh, no I’d never be friends with her.” I mean, what reply were they expecting? Maybe more along the lines of “Yeah, we talk every now and then but I’m not sure you could say we’re friends.” I don’t know? I can’t say I’m surprised about the reactions, nor am I truely offended. I’m just a little disappointed in the people who asked. I just don’t see why it should even matter enough to even ask the question “Your friends with so and so?” The exception being of course you are good friends with all those involved and just found out that two good mutual friends of yours, were also friends. But that isn’t the exception in this case. This isn’t to say that everyone I work with weren’t genuinely happy and supportive and not surprised at all about who I was moving in with.
I know I’m the one who technically started this wild-fire by being so over the top excited and happy about moving into an apartment. There is no excuse for that. When I’m excited over something, it’s hard for me to contain it. If you come to me and tell me that you some happy news about yourself like you just got a job offer/promotion, are going on a trip to well… anywhere, or even just learned how to make a pancake, I’m genuinely happy for you. I might be slightly envious and tease you to take me with you (or ask if you’ll make me a pancake), but I do want you to be happy. And I’m sorry for wanting to receive the same reaction. I don’t publically gloat about myself very often or go advertising all the ways I enjoy finding little ways to brigthen up people’s day. My gestures are small and I try to make them anonymous. Because making other people smile makes me happy. I think I just get overlooked as this nice quiet fat girl, who yeah is friendly but not many really care to take the time to get to know. I admit to not always being a great conversationalist. I have trouble thinking on my feet and I’m usually trying to filter Sarah bluntness to political correctness. I try not to let moments like when asked by a customer where isle six is, by replying, “Next to isle seven,” happen.
Like everyone else on the planet, I can only be me. I have thoughts, ideas and words I want to articulate but don’t usually do and when I try, I usually botch them up so I smile and stay quiet most of the time. But if you peel back the wallpaper even a little bit, you’ll find a kind, a little bit weird, a little bit too talkative, silly, slightly nutty girl who wants to know you. So please don’t ever be surprised again on who I’m friends with.