Not Ready to Make Nice
– We InterruptYour Regularly Scheduled Broadcast with an Important Message-
I’d like to start off that I am deeply upset that what I’m about to write even has to be written at all. I am very disappointed to all said parties involved. This is not the article I intended to post and “today’s” article has been postponed for tomorrow. Which pushes back the two other articles I spent all day working on today by two days as well. *Head bang in frustration* I could not say anything. I could slink back and cower because I’m embarrassed about what I write but the truth is, I’m not! I think this whole mess could have been avoided if people would stop acting like their in high school and start acting like a adults!
I don’t really feel like reiterating yesterday’s blog, I thought I had made myself perfectly clear. I’m a writer and sometimes I don’t realize when I cross a line. So if you have any problems with my blog, if they make you upset in any way, I would really rather hear it from you. Or simply just don’t read what I write! I would rather it not have to come to that, because I do like the people in my life being involved. This whole blog is a process. It’s a process of changing of how I view life, how I view myself, and those around me. I’m learning how to be a better person. I’m growing up!
I just don’t want if anyone winds up finding themselves mentioned in this blog to be hurt. I rather you come to me personally with your concerns, no matter how embarrassing or upset the situation is. I rather hear, “Sarah, I know you didn’t personally mean anything bad by what you said in so-and-so article, but what you said really upset me.” To me, that’s the mature way to handle a situation. I don’t want to hurt anyone and I rather have that awkward talk so issues can be wrinkled out. If your too embarrassed to say it too my face, than text or email it too me! My number is always on Facebook to be reached. If you don’t raise your issues, how am I ever to know? I’m not a mind reader! I can’t make everybody happy, but I think it’s possible to reach a compromise.
What I can’t respect is cowardice and running away from your problems. I can’t respect having my arm twisted and pulled from behind to have “a talk” with someone who shouldn’t even be involved! It’s just not professional. I’m not implying that I’m perfect either. Accidents and I make mistakes. But I own up to them and stare them down. I am constantly trying to fix my flaws. My flaw is that I talk too much. I put a little bit too much trust into the hands of many instead of few. I’m owning up to my mistakes, but what about yours? Take a good look in the mirror. I just can’t respect cowardice. I can’t respect running away from your problems.
As easy as it would be here to sit here and play the victim, I’m not going to. I know I hurt people as much as they hurt me. If I embarrass you, or have, I’m sorry for embarrassing doing so! And I feel horrible for that. I’m not sorry for what I write or how I feel. I’m not sorry for being upset or disappointed when situations aren’t handled right. And that is as close to an apology as anyone is ever going to get. I pride myself for being a friendly, talktive person, but that luster feels like it’s diminished. If you come to me and talk, I’ll talk and be nice to you of course. Because I’m tired of (excuse the pun) always being the bigger person! I’m tired always being the one who goes up to others to smooth things out. No! Not this time. I am open to reconciliation and awkward talks. But not for once in my life I am not going to pretend everything is all fine and dandy. I am sorry, truely. I really did not mean to hurt anyone. And I hope someday you’re the one big enough to come forward.